Selfless/Empty Faith

  Finding ways and words to start my blog without being repetitive is hard. I am not a good starter...anyways the title of my blog is selfless faith, it goes along with my last blog probably in a lot of ways but it has been on my mind a lot lately and I believe it is where God is working in my heart right now. I have been studying the book of James a lot the past few months and it seems that no matter where I go, whether it be to bible study on Thursdays, Wednesday night church, quotes on twitter or fuel, James or something on Faith  has been the focus of the majority of the sermons or group discussions. It blows me away how God reveals himself and  makes the area he is growing you in show up around every corner you turn. It makes me think "Man he loves and cares about me so much" and my appreciation for that could never be enough.

   Faith is more than just saying you have it and it is even more than just believing. In James 2:19 it says "You believe that there is one God, Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." It is not enough to just believe that God can do anything, its even more selfish to just expect God to do whatever we might ask of him. Paul talks about how Faith is a free gift from God. I believe that Faith can be such an incredible thing and God can do whatever he wants with our lives if we totally surrender to him and have total Faith in his plan. My struggle is not not having faith but having Faith that is empty. I pray to God and say "I have faith in your will for my life Lord and I give all my worries and burdens to you God". Then the next day I find myself worrying, stressing, and being sad about the things I had supposedly given to him and said God I had faith in you with this. That is empty faith, and I miss out on the opportunities to live life and and share the love of Christ through my life bc I am to busy feeling sorry for myself. I am so worried about my own selfish ambitions that I lose sight of why I am here on the earth to begin with. Praise the Lord that he is so forgiving and loving. It excites me to be realizing all of this because I know having total faith in God is going to bring more Joy and Happiness in my life than I could ever imagine. It already has, I know that there are always going to be hard times and that there will always be trials and sufferings to endure, I have them now, but the difference is that I know the hurt and pain is for a greater reason than I can see and it is worth enduring because I know God is going to see me through. And where ever I end up I have Faith and a peace that it is such a better place than where I would have been if I wouldn't have let him lead my everyday.

   I want my faith to make a difference in my life, I want to be consistent and have continual faith and in everything I do bring Glory to God. Living for God is my purpose.

Everyday for Him!

How he loves us!

   I am such a random blogger but that is because...I don't get on the computer much because I am dependent on my phone for all things that a computer can do and refuse to try and type a long blog on a touch screen. If you think my grammatical errors are bad now, they would be ten times worse on my phone. I really do enjoy blogging though, I have started writing a lot more in my journal as well. It seems like when you write out what all is going on in your head sometimes things become more clear or it just makes you feel better about a situation. I have found though that when I write in my journal it always turns out to be a prayer to God and like I am writing a letter to him. I have gone back and looked at some of my old journal entrees from 2 or 3 years ago and laugh but also am amazed and blessed at how God has always got me through and has answered my prayers or shown me why he didn't exactly answer my prayer the way I wanted him too.

   Tonight when writing this blog I have a new peace but at the same time am burdened and disappointed in myself. I know that seems contradicting, how can you have peace but still burdened? Well this is how I feel like this, we face trials in our everyday life, some we kick through and they don't even phase us and then others seem like they kick us down and we feel like we will never be able to get back up. The smaller trials we just handle on our own and think I can take care of this myself but then something happens that is bigger than us and something that we can’t control happens and THEN we run to God and beg for his mercy and pray more than we ever have. Suddenly we are reading our Bible more and spending more time with God. I am sooo guilty of this. Before I started this blog I looked at all my other blogs and see that it takes something hurtful and painful to happen in my life for me to TOTALLY surrender to God. The bible talks about how we should rejoice in our sufferings and I never understood how that could be totally possible to honestly do, but I think I understand a little more now. I can look back in my life and see that when I was suffering and had hard times I ran to be closer to God and sought after his will more determined than ever. Selfishly I want to say Why God? Why do I have to hurt like this? When really I need to be saying I am so sorry God for not seeking to know you with this eagerness every day, please have mercy on me for not letting you have all of me every day of my life. Why do I make Jesus just a part of my life when it’s convenient to me and just when I need something? I feel burdened with selfishness for not making him my life day in and day out. We make things and people here on earth so important and the center of our lives and I feel there is nothing wrong with that IF we are letting God be the controller of our lives. I have realized that when we stop needing the "earthly things" to make us happy and to give us Joy and peace and realize that all we need is a relationship and total dependence on God then we will find such a greater peace and happiness than all those things could ever give us. God is a jealous God and he will take away the things that we make more important or just as equally important to him. Thank you God for doing that and caring enough about me to not just let me go. As always typing all this out is a a lot easier than living it but I am making a promise to God to really focus on these things and let him take the driver seat in my life. I know I am going to fail at this a lot but the great and even exciting thing about that is that I know without a doubt God will ALWAYS be there to catch me, teach me and show me again and again how mighty, awesome and loving he is. That is the peace I have tonight. God is a healer, he is all we need because at the end of your life all the sufferings and trials that you think now are so painful and awful are nothing compared to the pain and suffering Jesus went through FOR US so that we could spend eternal life in Heaven. I have got to have FAITH in him that he will see all things through and I can say it but I have to live it and show it and I am going too. James 2:14 says "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?" I can talk about trusting God and his plan and will but if all I do is say it and not live it out in then I don't really have total faith and trust in him. Gotta talk the talk and walk the walk. 

Every day for him!
                                                                                                 Jenny