Sweetly Broken and Holy Surrendered

It is not that God is finally showing me how He can really work and how powerful He is but that I am getting out of my own way and allowing the Holy Spirit to move and work in me like He wants to. It saddens me but brings me so much joy at the same time. I have let so many things block and distract me from true meaning of being Holy surrendered to my God. It's not my life it's not about me. I have said this in many of my blogs and saying it was hard because as a selfish human and living it out means sacrifice in some way that we don't want. Who cares because the small "American sacrifice" cannot compare to how awesome the move of the Holy Spirit in your life is. Basketball was such a huge part of my life and I wanted to be successful and compete at the highest level and I would do whatever it took to do that but there were days that I didn't want to do the work that I required of myself. I would lose focus of what hitting a 3 pointer at the end of a game to win felt like or winning a championship or knowing I made my dad proud. From the age of 9-21 this is what I loved and strived for. I could always relate and use basketball in my walk with Christ. It was my biggest ministry field and I give God all the Glory for my success. I am getting to what this has to do with now in my life I promise. I am a visual, can relate to life stories kind of learner. I see now my relationship with my Savior is a lot like my relationship with basketball was. I wanna be the best I can for my Savior not because I have to be because God doesn't need me or depend on me(thank goodness) He wants me though. He wants me to fight and give everything I have for Him. The feelings of different emotions and the blessings He gives us when we do these things are like hitting a 3 pointer to win a game or winning a championship or like making your father proud but so much greater and sweeter. Yes, there will be times we get tired and don't want to keep pushing to be better but all we have to do is remember how sweet it feels when Glory is brought to Him. Not to focus on the last play but move on to the next play and make it count and keep in mind that at the end of the game(life) we will have the greatest victory there is...eternity with our Almighty Savior Jesus Christ. Basketball ended but my life and relationship with Jesus is never ending and it can never stop growing as long as I am pushing to know Him more and allowing the Him to work through me in the ways He wants and desires. Kaabong this week is where this was really laid on my heart this week. The people of this place have no idea who Jesus is. They have no desire to live, their lives mean nothing to them. It has broken my heart to see people not have the hope we can have for life and not be able to experience the love of Jesus Christ. Yet, I have all the opportunity in the world and I deny it daily and in so many ways. Are you kidding me? How selfish of me. It is a smack in the face and I keep feeling like I am being smacked in the face with all these realizations of how my life needs to be changed to better bring glory to God in my life and it is discouraging because I feel like I never am doing anything good for God in return but He is still blessing me more and more each day by opening my eyes to these things. Thats it! It is not about ME! It is not about me growing and then doing good things or however you want to say it. I believe it is God showing us things that need changing or areas that need growing so we get ourselves out of the way and HE DOES THE GOOD THINGS THROUGH US. It is all Him. Like I said before He does not need me. When blessing come in my life or people see good things in my life I do not want them to give the compliment or brag to me I want it to be given to God. I have heard the saying "I am nothing without Jesus" wrong, I am something alright, I am a whole lot of mistakes, sin, pridefulness, the list could go on and on. Thank you Jesus for saving me. Thank you for loving me so much. All glory, honor and praise is Yours forever and ever

Uganda 2012 #1

I really do not even know where to begin. I have been here for a little over 2 weeks and seeing Gods amazing work each and every day is just overwhelming. I have got to love on sweet sweet children, share the gospel with people and try and seek out God in all that I do. Instead of going over every detail of my trip this blog will be more of just what God has laid on my heart the last couple weeks. Not in any way trying to take away from the awesomeness He has done in the different ministry areas, I just want to share how through these minstries he is changing and molding my heart to understand more of what my life as His servant should look like. Helping these sweet innocent children is so very important to me and I want to share the heart breaking stories of these children and help you better picture the lives these children live but not to feel sorry for them and that be it but to show that this life is not about us. It is not about being comfortable. It is about serving Jesus Christ at any cost. What I am having trouble figuring out is who is really worse off? Me or these abandoned children who I see have nothing materialistic wise but have a faith so great in God, who are so thankful for any little thing they get and so willing to give what little they have. They worship and pray so passionatley and whole hearted. You can see the purness and honesty of their worship. Yes to the human eye these people and children have it rough and live lives that are unimaginable but yet the ones who do know Jesus and are "born agains" have a lot more of the qualites that Jesus calls us to have(Galtions 5)than what I see in myslef most the time. That is a tough one for me to swallow and admit. It seems to me that having less here on earth but having a greater faith in Jesus Christ is better than having a comfortable life and not such a great faith. I mean the Bible says if we have great enough faith He can move mountains. Well why in the world would we not have such great faith then? For me its because at home I have so many other things that I put my faith in and do not even realize it. It is not about trying to have the best of both worlds but living day in and day out on my knees for Jesus Christ. I want to have great faith! I want to be obedient to whatever He calls me to do. All I want is to serve Him, bringing nothing but Honor and Praise to His Holy name. Jesus never said it would be easy, if you read in the bible there are not many times when it was in any way easy to be obeident in Christ. Why would it be any different now? Why should it be easier for us than it was for the people who lived back then? I am so thankful for this opportunity to grow in my faith and discover my God through these particualr ministries. He is so mighty and I am so grateful. Please keep me and the people of Uganda in your prayers because just like any where in the world there are a lot of people who do not know Jesus. Pray those opportunities to share with them will arise and that they will accept the most precious gift of salvation. Pray for the 175 people who have become new believers in Christ the past 2 weeks and of course pray for the precious children here who need the all the love and prayers we can give them. This is not my life it is His. Everyday for Him! God Bless!

I will follow you.

Then he said " The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few" Matthew 9:37 and Luke 10:2

Everything Jesus says in the Bible is important and it all has purpose so I believe that if he is making a point to say something more than once He is really wanting us to get it. I have heard this verse several times before but the impact it is having on my life right now is like never before. Being a "worker" for Christ like this text mentions is all I want to be about. Everything else has lost so much significance. I am about to graduate college in 3 weeks and where before, starting my career in education would have been my top priority. That has lost so much significance because God is showing me that I am here on this earth to be His worker and that nothing else really matters if it apart from Him and His will. I am not saying that I don't want to be a teacher and I can't be that "worker" He wants if I get a teaching job. I am saying that I am done trying to make Jesus fit into my list of priorites and selfish desires. I am erasing my list and only writing one thing "Worker for Jesus" or "Diciple maker" This is all I desire to be. Seriously! Nothing else matters. What is a life without Jesus? I do not want to slide into being comfortable in life. I do not want to be satisfied. I want to be broken by my Savior day in and day out because sadly that is when I seek Him the most and that is when I grow in knowing Him more. All I want to do is serve Him in whatever brings Him the most glory, honor and praise. My "yes" is on the table to do whatever that may be. We are called to be radical. I will not settle for what today we call "normal" or the "American dream" It is about being His "workers" and sharing the love of Christ and His gospel with the MILLIONS of people who have never heard. Go give them a chance to have the awesome all consuming love of our almighty Savior. How selfish of us to not go share this one of a kind love? It truly is all that matters!!! Carry your cross daily.

Hope you all have a super blessed week!
God Bless!

Jenny

Glory to God forever!

God is so big and he is showing me daily how he can work if I will just make Him my focus in all I do from the biggest to the very smallest of things. He has opened the door for me to return to Africa this summer and I am so pumped to get back and serve Him there. I am staying for 11 weeks this time and know that He has big things planned. It is cool to see God doing things now thati tralize are preparing me for my trip. I have found an awesome church and and Bible study group to be a part of and excited to God working those. It really seems like I have this whole new outlook and direction in life. Its like something has finally clicked and my life is Christs and he is not just a part of it, HE IS IT! I'm not letting go of that ever. It just gives me so much Joy and excitement to think of how much Jesus loves me, I just want to show it in every way possible. I want to yell everyone how.amazing my God is and how they can have the same thing. Nothing dose.matters on this earth if it is not for the glory of God but man how everything can be sk great if it is all for His glory. I am so blessed to serve such a mighty, living and loving God. I don't ever want to lose sight of why I am here on earth. He is he creator of all, I was made to serve Him and no one can take that away from me and that is the coolest thing ever. Nothing can compare to that awesomeness.

Have a blessed week!

Everyday for Him!


Jenny

Empty Me so I can be filled with YOU!

I like to think.for the most part I have been a pretty "good" girl in the 22 years I have lived. I have had what people would say is a "normal life. God has blessed me more than I deserve. Really he blessed us all more than we deserve when he died for OUR sins but anyways...parley the question "what am I doing for God?" Has weighed heavy on my heart. I have felt like I defined being a Christian to fit what I wanted in my life and tried to make it fit my selfish ambitions. Everyday I realize more and more how wrong and selfish I was. I also realize that I am human and naturally in my sinful nature I think like that BUT through the power of God I can do a WHOLE lot better. I want my life to be drowned in the word of God. I want everything I think, say and feel be for Gods Glory. I want everything I do in my life to be through Gods will. The other day one of my friends was telling her little girl " you better be good or Santa will put you on the naughty list and you wont get toys" I thought to myself "Jenny this is your way of thinking when it comes to Gods will for your life." I have thought,"I know God doesn't owe me or have to bless me with what I want but surely he will since I have been a "pretty good girl"" I have thought Gods will for me will surley be finish college, get a job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Now there is nothing wrong with doing those things at all, where I have messed up was wanting those things on my time and just assuming that's what God will is for my life. Its like I have been trying to bargain with God instead of TOTALLY surrendering and fully seeking Gods will for my life no matter what the circumstances.

In a way I feel like I am starting new, what use to be my goals and plans for my life have changed and God is showing me many areas in my life that I need to make changes, some big and some small. God is showing me that he really does have my best interest at heart and he is going to take care of me NO MATTER WHAT,I just have to get my stubborn and selfish butt out of the way. There really is no greater Joy, no greater Peace and no greater Love that we can find and have ANYTIME like Jesus. It gives me chills writing it. I have taken it for granite for so many times and only proclaimed and asked for it mostly in time of hurt and need. Not anymore though.

I am ready to be a true disciple of Christ and sincerely accept his will for my life. Whetether it be a stay at home mom or to be single and be a missionary in a different country. I am here on this earth to show and spread the love of Jesus Christ no matter what. It doesn't matter to me where or with who anymore because I know I will find no greater joy, peace or love than what I will in Gods plan for my life. I am done just admiring, just worshiping and just loving God. It is time I go do what he says and do it his way...no matter what.

It is simple written down but living it is a whole other inning in the game of life , I am going to strike out plenty of times but I know God will keep pitching to me and never give up on me and that give me the courage to take on anything that comes my way because "my God is bigger and my God is greater than any other."

The last thing that I think is one of the most important parts to living out all I have written above is to live one day at a time. I cant get caught up in trying to see where and what I will be doing next week, month, year or 5 years. I will miss out on what God wants and is doing now. He has discipleship and blessings for us each day but I will miss them if Im to busy worrying or trying to look ahead. God already has it figured out and its way better than I could plan it so why worry about it and miss out on something great right now.


Everyday for Him

Matthew 10:28
Luke 12:48
Jeremiah 29:11.

God Bless

Selfless/Empty Faith

  Finding ways and words to start my blog without being repetitive is hard. I am not a good starter...anyways the title of my blog is selfless faith, it goes along with my last blog probably in a lot of ways but it has been on my mind a lot lately and I believe it is where God is working in my heart right now. I have been studying the book of James a lot the past few months and it seems that no matter where I go, whether it be to bible study on Thursdays, Wednesday night church, quotes on twitter or fuel, James or something on Faith  has been the focus of the majority of the sermons or group discussions. It blows me away how God reveals himself and  makes the area he is growing you in show up around every corner you turn. It makes me think "Man he loves and cares about me so much" and my appreciation for that could never be enough.

   Faith is more than just saying you have it and it is even more than just believing. In James 2:19 it says "You believe that there is one God, Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." It is not enough to just believe that God can do anything, its even more selfish to just expect God to do whatever we might ask of him. Paul talks about how Faith is a free gift from God. I believe that Faith can be such an incredible thing and God can do whatever he wants with our lives if we totally surrender to him and have total Faith in his plan. My struggle is not not having faith but having Faith that is empty. I pray to God and say "I have faith in your will for my life Lord and I give all my worries and burdens to you God". Then the next day I find myself worrying, stressing, and being sad about the things I had supposedly given to him and said God I had faith in you with this. That is empty faith, and I miss out on the opportunities to live life and and share the love of Christ through my life bc I am to busy feeling sorry for myself. I am so worried about my own selfish ambitions that I lose sight of why I am here on the earth to begin with. Praise the Lord that he is so forgiving and loving. It excites me to be realizing all of this because I know having total faith in God is going to bring more Joy and Happiness in my life than I could ever imagine. It already has, I know that there are always going to be hard times and that there will always be trials and sufferings to endure, I have them now, but the difference is that I know the hurt and pain is for a greater reason than I can see and it is worth enduring because I know God is going to see me through. And where ever I end up I have Faith and a peace that it is such a better place than where I would have been if I wouldn't have let him lead my everyday.

   I want my faith to make a difference in my life, I want to be consistent and have continual faith and in everything I do bring Glory to God. Living for God is my purpose.

Everyday for Him!

How he loves us!

   I am such a random blogger but that is because...I don't get on the computer much because I am dependent on my phone for all things that a computer can do and refuse to try and type a long blog on a touch screen. If you think my grammatical errors are bad now, they would be ten times worse on my phone. I really do enjoy blogging though, I have started writing a lot more in my journal as well. It seems like when you write out what all is going on in your head sometimes things become more clear or it just makes you feel better about a situation. I have found though that when I write in my journal it always turns out to be a prayer to God and like I am writing a letter to him. I have gone back and looked at some of my old journal entrees from 2 or 3 years ago and laugh but also am amazed and blessed at how God has always got me through and has answered my prayers or shown me why he didn't exactly answer my prayer the way I wanted him too.

   Tonight when writing this blog I have a new peace but at the same time am burdened and disappointed in myself. I know that seems contradicting, how can you have peace but still burdened? Well this is how I feel like this, we face trials in our everyday life, some we kick through and they don't even phase us and then others seem like they kick us down and we feel like we will never be able to get back up. The smaller trials we just handle on our own and think I can take care of this myself but then something happens that is bigger than us and something that we can’t control happens and THEN we run to God and beg for his mercy and pray more than we ever have. Suddenly we are reading our Bible more and spending more time with God. I am sooo guilty of this. Before I started this blog I looked at all my other blogs and see that it takes something hurtful and painful to happen in my life for me to TOTALLY surrender to God. The bible talks about how we should rejoice in our sufferings and I never understood how that could be totally possible to honestly do, but I think I understand a little more now. I can look back in my life and see that when I was suffering and had hard times I ran to be closer to God and sought after his will more determined than ever. Selfishly I want to say Why God? Why do I have to hurt like this? When really I need to be saying I am so sorry God for not seeking to know you with this eagerness every day, please have mercy on me for not letting you have all of me every day of my life. Why do I make Jesus just a part of my life when it’s convenient to me and just when I need something? I feel burdened with selfishness for not making him my life day in and day out. We make things and people here on earth so important and the center of our lives and I feel there is nothing wrong with that IF we are letting God be the controller of our lives. I have realized that when we stop needing the "earthly things" to make us happy and to give us Joy and peace and realize that all we need is a relationship and total dependence on God then we will find such a greater peace and happiness than all those things could ever give us. God is a jealous God and he will take away the things that we make more important or just as equally important to him. Thank you God for doing that and caring enough about me to not just let me go. As always typing all this out is a a lot easier than living it but I am making a promise to God to really focus on these things and let him take the driver seat in my life. I know I am going to fail at this a lot but the great and even exciting thing about that is that I know without a doubt God will ALWAYS be there to catch me, teach me and show me again and again how mighty, awesome and loving he is. That is the peace I have tonight. God is a healer, he is all we need because at the end of your life all the sufferings and trials that you think now are so painful and awful are nothing compared to the pain and suffering Jesus went through FOR US so that we could spend eternal life in Heaven. I have got to have FAITH in him that he will see all things through and I can say it but I have to live it and show it and I am going too. James 2:14 says "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?" I can talk about trusting God and his plan and will but if all I do is say it and not live it out in then I don't really have total faith and trust in him. Gotta talk the talk and walk the walk. 

Every day for him!
                                                                                                 Jenny